Post Tenebras Lux

Life, Liberty & the Pursuit.

 

I’ve been inactive in writing, but I thought I’d write about something I noticed the other weekend. While going through old boxes at my mom’s, I stumbled upon her famous “awards” box. It’s filled with every scholastic award her children have ever received, from student of the year plaques to student of the month certificates, and even our report cards. There was a point in time, before I moved out for college, where she would hang all of our awards on our living room wall. Though I knew my mom had much to be proud about, I sometimes felt it to be obnoxious. I wondered why she still kept that box as I rummaged through the junk trying to sort items. I was always under the impression that it was my mom’s way of boasting her children’s minute accomplishments, but after careful consideration of our family history, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe her reasons are much more fragile and tender than I originally thought.

I believe that my mom keeps the awards because the time in which we received these awards (kindergarden-12th grade) was a time in which the innocence of our childhood wasn’t jaded. As long as we lived under her roof, we would follow her household rules. Her household dreams. Half of us pursued higher education and then half of us didn’t. Half of us are working trying to sustain our independent living while the other half live like parasites, feeding off the resources of others. Maybe these awards are a way for my mom to relive a time in her life in which she felt that her children would grow up to accomplish the things that her heart had settled for, like any other parent would. Maybe it’s the only way that my mom can restore the faith that she has for the goodness in each of her child’s soul. Maybe is what I believe, but I don’t think I’ll understand until I have children of my own someday.

For now I’ll let that box be and when I look at it, I won’t find it silly that my mom wants to hold onto what really were happy memories of a family that wasn’t torn by radical ideals, manipulative outsiders or, dare I say, the circle of life.